How to have a perfect relationship
Congratulations! Now you are that lucky person who managed to find own sweetheart so as everybody else is jealous and you feel the happiest human being in the world. You have found a person whom you can share your hopes, dreams and thoughts with. You feel supported and not separated. You read each other’s mind and sometimes you both do not have to talk for feeling good together.
But unfortunately, it often happens that this idyll doesn’t exist eternally. We get used to good things so fast that we stop appreciating what we have, what we have achieved having spent so many efforts. We don’t notice the magnificence of the relationship and just accept it as it has to be like that. The time goes and we start getting bored, our soul requires new emotions and we begin to do very stupid things. We just get missing that bright feelings and that uncommonness we used to have. No, of course we don’t need another partner, we just suppose that we have the right for live and surprising relationship. The question is how to obtain such result? How to make existing relationship perfect? Now, I am going to answer it and to present hope to couples which are desperate in their trying to become a great example for the whole world.
Differences between women and men
If I ask you, what is the real difference between women and men? I’m totally sure that you will immediately begin to name primary and secondary sexual characteristics. But it is only a tiny part of differences between both sexes. And the knowledge and realizing of this diversity is what will make the world turn around you. But the denial of all seriousness and importance of understanding these distinctions will make the world turn you around and will rub your nose in it. Hopefully, it will not be too late.
So what are the basic and important differences between women and men? According to John Gray’s book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”, in most of cases women complain about that men do not listen. A man can completely ignore her while she is talking to him, or just can listen for a bit, estimates what is actually bothering her, then proudly puts on his Mr. Fix-It cap and offers her a right solution for making her feel the way more better…She just wants simple empathy, but he supposes she wants solutions. And in return, men also have what to raise – every time women try to change men. When a woman is in love she feels responsible to help him in growing and tries to assist him in improving the way he acts. She creates a home-Improvement committee, and his man becomes her primary focus… She thinks that she is educating him, but he feels like he is being controlled. Instead of it, he wants only her acceptance.
“She wants empathy.., he wants her acceptance” – John Gray
These complaints tell us that in a relationship we all try to do everything for the best, but sometimes we do it worse by our care. We act like this for kindness but destroy our relationships because of our misunderstanding and lack of knowledge. I am sure that if every adult read this bestseller by Gray, there would be a way less divorces on Earth. Our laziness and blocks to accept the fact that we have many things to learn from each other take down and demolish the sense of mutual connection. And this leads to total ruin of everything which was being rearing together. The proper key to successful relationship is hidden right in talking to each other. I know it sounds evident but you will be surprised how often we forget about this rule. We stand our ground and especially in time of quarrel, we turn into cruel egoists forgetting about other person’s feelings. We just hurry up to prove our innocence and rightness at the cost of offending a partner.
Typical mistakes in relationship
Ownership and jealousy
“You’re my lovely sweetheart” – how often we hear and say these pretty words in couple. Pronouncing them we aim to make our partner feel good about them. We’re sure that these compliments are said only for the best. But we’ve never noticed that there is something special in these words. There is a wide-known fact that the most using word which a human being says is “I”. That’s why we are all egoists inside as the keyword is “my”. Unbelievable, but in relationship we often tend to control and even to own our partner. We lose our mind so much that we start thinking only about ourselves. We totally forget the main thing which relationship is about – caring about each other. We deal with our near and dear person like with some kind of toy. A partner doesn’t mean object or thing. We do not have the right to control each other. But we have to give each other freedom in actions. And only over freedom the truth can be achieved – the truth of a real relation to each other. If you want somebody to be happy, let go. That means give him or her freedom of choice, and when you are chosen it means you get chosen for real but not by force. “Do it and don’t do that” – are you a parent to this person so you tell him or her what to do? Don’t be ridiculous, it hurts. If you are just afraid of being cheated on believe me, your “don’t” won’t change anything. But if your partner is really faithful you will not break up, your sweetheart will always be nearby. That’s so simple and so obvious, isn’t it?
In fact, jealousy is the first indication of craziness. According to Oscar Wilde’s “The picture of Dorian Gray”, jealousy is ownership instinct. We would throw out many things if we were not afraid that the thrown would be immediately picked up by others.
“Jealousy is ownership instinct” – Oscar Wilde.
A person who is in doubt about own appearance will always be more likely to get jealous as he/she will think that potential competitors are more powerful and better, These people with the low self-esteem is a permanent contingent of psychologists who strive for making clients’ life easier. In most of cases reasons of the jealousy are hidden in the terrible fear of losing a sweetheart. It seems that after breakup the world will fall down and stop existing. This feeling is directly connected with old complexes and non-confidence. If you always feel terrified only by the thought of a possibility of breakup once you will find yourself in a situation when it has already happened. Thoughts are tangible.
“The most using word which a human being says is “I”
Being offended and how to deal with it
An interesting fact is that we get offended by our partners twice more often than by strangers. So do you still think that problem is in our sweethearts? – No. In fact, the reason is in us. People cannot be perfect. Nobody is perfect. And even if you match each other perfectly and think that you are real soul mates you don’t have supernatural skills to read each other’s mind. One careless word, one unwary action and we can harbor resentment for long time. But the thing is that “offender” may not even know about his or her fault. It is obvious that if we are in relationship in its traditional comprehension we never want to hurt a partner. In a perfect case our object of affections becomes an inherent part of our life. That person becomes our sense of existing. So you must have really lost your mind to hurt your love for purpose. So the only way to let your partner know that you are offended by something – you won’t believe that – is to tell about it! The offence will rust you from inside. Paraphrasing words form the book “A new Earth” by the German writer Eckhart Tolle, you are offended by others because of their greediness, dishonesty, what they do and what they used to do, what they said and what they didn’t manage to say, what they should or what they shouldn’t have done. Ego is like that by nature. Instead of ignoring the unconsciousness of others you turn its versions into their individual characteristics. So even if you lose control and anyway got offended you have to tell about it. Talking is the key to success in relationship – remember? Only together you will be able to deal with it. Please visit online dating site http://www.invite.dating/ to get more details about this topic.
Plenty of books were written on topic of relationship. I just tried to touch the main aspects of it in my post. To sum up I just want to say that relationship is not only about choosing the right person. It’s actually the hard work which requires a lot of efforts, a lot of patience and tolerance. Unfortunately, troubles and issues happen in couple and sometimes even serious ones, but don’t give up. If you are together for such a long time and only lately some misunderstanding emerge it means that the Universe tests you both. And not for proving your incompetence or incompatibility but for proving the whole world that such a perfect couple will deal with all troubles on their mutual way. And even if you will make mistakes on such a hard way the main thing is that we go on it together. Because only the power of two loving hearts can overcome all obstacles on a road to happiness.